Guide to Talking to Kids About Sex

Guide to Talking to Kids About Sex
December 25 07:42 2016

Having “ The Talk” with your child is one of the events that parents want to put off for as long as they possibly can. But learning about sex and sexuality is an important part of a child’s life and its is essential for child development. Today most kids learn about sex at school and from media but it is always best that they get the “birds and the bees” talk from a parent. By talking to your child and answering all their questions related to sexuality honestly you build an incredible rapport with your child and contribute to their healthy development. Read on for some advice and tips for having the sex talk with your child.


What you need to know about the talk

First of all you should know that the talk is not one time conversation that you have and get it over with. Instead the talk is an ongoing conversation that takes place at different child ages and whenever it is needed. You should start teaching your kid about sexuality from around the ages of 2 to 3.

The more honest and open you are about the sex topics the better and more effective the discussion will be. Whatever you do, do not leave your kid to learn about some of these things on the Internet or from friends. It should come from you, but when they have learnt about it from somewhere else, you can add on to the knowledge and clear something up on issues they got wrong or on any questions they may have.


An age-by-age guide to understanding sex talk

As mentioned above, you need to start talking to your child about sex and sexuality from the ages of 2 to 3 but it does not mean that you should dump everything on the. It is a step-by-step process that is given as follows:


Ages 2 to 3

This is when you teach the kids the right and respectable names for sexual body parts like penis, vagina and breasts.


Ages 3 to 4

From ages 3 to 4 is when you explain where babies come from. It is true that the kids won’t be able to understand the whole concept of reproduction but explaining in the simplest of terms that babies grow inside mummy’s special place called a uterus can be very effective and sufficient to satisfy their curiosity.


Ages 4 to 5

At around ages 5 the kids will begin to ask how a baby is born. Be honest about it and respond in simple terms without complicating things. A simple response like “when a baby is grown and ready to live in the world, it will come out through mummy’s vagina”


Ages 5 to 6

By the age of 6 you can start giving the child a general idea of how babies are made and how they get inside mummy’s uterus. The best way is to give the exact processes without giving away too many details, so you could say “mums and dads make babies by combining a tiny piece of cell from mummy and another one from daddy. When the two tiny cells join they begin to form a baby.”


Ages 6 to 7

At this age it is time to step things up and talk about the basics of sexual intercourse. This is probably the most difficult stage of the talk as your kid will easily get confused or show up with lots of questions. Here is an example of how you could explain intercourse:

“Naturally the male and female bodies where made to fit together so the tiny cell called sperm from daddy can combine with the tiny cell called an egg from mummy to make a baby. The penis is the part that fits into the vagina. So it is through the penis that the tiny cell from daddy goes into mummy’s vagina then it travels to the uterus where it will meet with the tiny cell from mummy.”

It is at this age that you explain the basic male-female relationships. Explain also when it is okay for sex to occur.


Ages 8 to 9

At this age your child has picked up on the importance of sex, it could be from school, friends or from media outlets. The good thing is that they also understand explanations or any topic, their mind is now developed enough. You can explain how two people who love another treat each other and how they come to have sex. You can also take this time to talk about rape and abuse.


Ages 9 to 11

Ages 9 to 11 open up the puberty talk. Explain the different changes they can expect on their bodies once puberty kicks in.


Age 12

From this age onwards your kid is getting all the information they need on sex and sexuality. You can just try to keep open channels of communication so you can discuss some issues that might affect them


Handling some difficult sex related questions and situations

Most definitely your child is going to have some difficult questions on sexuality. Try to answer these questions as truthfully as possibly without giving out to much information than they can handle. Here are some common questions that you can come across and how to respond to them:


Your little daughter asks what her baby brother’s penis is.

You can tell her that it is the organ that makes the difference between girls and boys. Girls have vaginas like she does while boys have penis like her little brother.


When they see you naked and ask why you have hair down there

Tell them it is normal; as people grow older they begin to grow hair in places like arms, legs, face for men and around the private parts. Tell them they will also start to grow hair when they grow older.


When they ask how their friend has two mommies or two daddies

This subject can be very difficult to explain, as it will raise a lot of questions. It is usually best to explain it in terms of feelings. Tell your kid that in their friends family the two mummies or two daddies love each other the same way like daddy and I do. So they live together like us. Explain that sometimes boys fall in love with girls can also fall in love with girls. Many more questions may come up in this conversation so try to answer each question truthfully, do not brush the questions aside.


When you walk in your child masturbating

Explain to them that it is normal that they feel good when they touch or rub their private parts, it is part of growing up and every grown up has gone through the phase. It is important that when they feel the urge to rub them selves they should only do it in private with the door locked. Also explain to them that they should not over do it.


There are many other situations and questions that may arise. You could catch your child making out with their boyfriend or girlfriend, instead of shouting at them you can talk to them about safe sex and STIs. The way you handle each situation will shape the relationship you and your child develop.




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